What women love about sex changes over time. If you’re in your perimenopause or menopause, you’ve likely noticed that what used to work in your 20s doesn’t always hit the same way now.
And that’s okay. It’s more than okay—it means you’re evolving, and so is your relationship with sex.
This blog is for you. For middle-aged women who want sex to feel good, mean something, or just make sense with where you are in life.
So, what do women love about sex? Let’s get into it.
Mindset & Confidence
1. Feeling confident in your body
What women love about sex often starts with how you feel about your own body. Confidence about owning your body as it is today. When you feel good in your skin—wrinkles, curves, stretch marks, and all—you’re more likely to enjoy physical touch and let yourself fully experience intimacy.
Confidence can come from simple things:
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Wearing something that makes you feel sexy
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Saying no to things that don't feel good
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Reminding yourself that your body is powerful, not just pretty.
The more you appreciate your body, the easier it is to enjoy what sex has to offer.
2. Expressing your needs and desires openly
Sex gets better when you say what you want. It’s that simple. But we know—it’s not always easy.
Maybe you were raised to stay quiet about this stuff. Perhaps you just never had the words.
But speaking up about what feels good (and what doesn’t) is one of the most empowering things you can do.
Partners aren’t mind readers. When you share what you need, you’re setting both of you up for better connection, pleasure, and less frustration.
3. Low stress levels before intimacy
Stress is a major mood killer. In fact, a study found that higher stress levels were linked to lower sexual desire and satisfaction. It highlights the need to manage stress for better sexual health.
One thing women love about sex is when it happens in a calm, unrushed space—not squeezed in between chores or late-night exhaustion.
Taking time to relax beforehand can make a big difference. That could mean a warm shower, soft lighting, deep breathing, or just a few minutes of quiet to reset.
When your nervous system slows down, your body becomes more open to pleasure.
4. Being present in the moment (mindfulness during sex)
It’s easy to mentally check out during sex, especially if you’re used to prioritizing someone else’s needs. But what women love about sex is being fully in it—mind, body, and heart. That’s where mindfulness comes in.
Being present might look like focusing on how your skin feels, the rhythm of your breath, or the sound of your partner’s voice. It means letting go of distractions, self-judgment, and performance pressure.
When you tune into the moment, even the smallest touch can feel electric. And that’s where real pleasure lives.
Communication & Emotional Connection
5. Open sexual communication (telling your partner what you like)
What women love about sex includes being able to talk honestly about what feels good.
If you’ve ever faked enjoyment just to get things over with, you’re not alone—but you also deserve better. Open sexual communication means speaking up without shame, judgment, or awkwardness.
This could sound like: “I really liked when you did that,” or “Can we try it this way?” Even a simple, “Slower,” or “Right there,” can change everything.
When your partner knows what works for you, you’re more likely to feel satisfied, cared for, and excited to be intimate again.
6. Emotional safety with your partner (deepest form of love/connection)
Sex isn’t just about physical touch. What women love about sex is often tied to emotional safety—the feeling that you can show up as your full self without fear.
When you feel safe, seen, and accepted, sex becomes more than just a moment. It becomes a connection.
You should never feel pressured, rushed, or judged in the bedroom. Emotional safety means you trust your partner to listen, care, and respond with respect. That kind of trust deepens the bond and helps intimacy feel not just good, but meaningful.
7. Positive feedback and encouragement during sex
Let’s be honest—a little encouragement goes a long way. Women love sex more when they feel appreciated and desired, not just physically but emotionally too.
Compliments, eye contact, and affirming words can build connection and confidence in the moment.
Even small things like "you feel amazing," or "I love being close to you" can create warmth and closeness.
Positive feedback helps both of you stay connected, feel good, and want to keep exploring together. And the more you feel valued, the more open you may be to trying new things.
8. Discussing fantasies and boundaries (speaking fantasies)
Talking about fantasies doesn’t mean acting them all out—it just means sharing what excites or interests you. And being honest about boundaries is just as important.
What women love about sex includes knowing they can safely express what they want and where the line is.
You might start with, “I’ve always been curious about...” or “That’s not for me.” These conversations can bring you closer, build trust, and help you explore together without fear or pressure.
When fantasies and boundaries are out in the open, sex becomes more fun, more respectful, and more satisfying.
Speaking of fantasies, the Moon Anal Training Kit is great for couples who want to try something new. It’s made for beginners and lets you go slow and take your time. The set comes with three sizes and is smooth and safe for your body.
Foreplay & Sensation
9. Extended foreplay for arousal
For many women, arousal doesn’t just happen right away—it builds. What women love about sex often includes foreplay that’s slow, intentional, and unrushed.
Kissing, touching, talking, even eye contact—these things help your body and mind get in sync.
Extended foreplay isn’t just a warm-up; for a lot of women, it’s the main event. It helps increase blood flow, build tension, and make everything feel more connected.
Taking the time for foreplay shows care and attention, which makes the experience better for everyone involved.
10. Massages to build sexual tension
Touch is powerful. And a massage can be more than just relaxing—it can set the stage for deep intimacy.
What women love about sex isn’t just the destination, but the build-up. Giving or receiving a slow massage can help you relax, feel safe, and start to crave more.
A massage can wake up the senses, help you drop into the moment, and create physical closeness. It’s especially helpful if you’ve had a long day or feel disconnected from your body.
11. Exploring your body (solo or together)
Knowing your own body makes partnered sex way better. Whether you explore solo or with a partner, it’s all about curiosity.
What women love about sex includes feeling like their body isn’t a mystery. When you know what feels good, it’s easier to share that with someone else.
You can start by spending time with yourself, trying different kinds of touch, or using a mirror or toy to explore. If you're curious about toys, here are a few you might like:
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Shoop Gentle Dual Massager: This one helps you explore both inside and outside pleasure. It's great if you're still getting to know your body.
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Woosh Warming Wand: A soft, bendy wand that warms up and gently vibrates. The shape makes it easy to use.
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Boom Dual-End Wand: This toy has two ends with their own motors. One end is for the external, the other is curved for the internal. You can try both and see what feels best.
With a partner, it might help to slow down, ask what feels good, and take turns. The more you learn about your body, the more confident and close you’ll feel. You can also check out the Spice Things Up bundle to help bring back your spark.
12. Clitoral and varied stimulation (72% prefer clitoral stimulation)
Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. 72% of women prefer direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. What women love about sex often involves a mix of clitoral and other types of touch.
Clitoral stimulation can come from hands, mouths, toys, or even pressure from certain positions. The key is to make it part of the experience—not an afterthought.
These clitoral stimulator toys are must-haves in your drawer:
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Smooch Sonic Stimulator: Feels like oral play, thanks to its sonic wave tech.
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Oooh Palm Massager: Small but strong. Gives gentle and focused clitoral vibes.
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Woo Bullet: Tiny and easy to bring anywhere. Gentle when you want it, powerful when you need it.
Mental & Emotional Stimulation
13. Mental arousal
Sex starts in the brain. One of the things women love about sex is the mental build-up—the stories, the imagination, the emotional connection behind it all.
When you allow yourself to think about what turns you on, your body often follows. This might be a scene you daydream about, a role you want to play, or just a feeling of being wanted.
14. Dirty talk or erotic talk
Words matter. Dirty talk, or even just playful erotic talk, can deepen arousal and make you feel more connected. What women love about sex often includes hearing (and saying) things that bring the moment to life.
Soft phrases like “I love how you touch me” or “You make me feel amazing” can create intimacy. The key is saying what you mean, in your own way. When you speak from the heart (or the heat), it helps both of you stay present and turned on.
15. Roleplay & scenario play
It might sound silly at first, but stepping into a different role can free you up to explore new parts of yourself. Whether it’s playful, romantic, or bold, roleplay can bring excitement and curiosity back into the bedroom.
What women love about sex is when it doesn’t feel like a routine. Roleplay gives you a break from everyday life. It lets you create new dynamics, flirt in new ways, and laugh a little too. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s fun and connection.
16. Incorporating toys/lingerie/erotic media
Sometimes, you just need something new to spice things up. That doesn’t mean the basics are boring—but variety can open doors to deeper pleasure. What women love about sex often includes trying new things, like toys, and lingerie, or even watching or reading something erotic together.
These tools aren’t about replacing your partner; they’re about expanding your pleasure. Toys can help you learn more about your body. Lingerie can boost your confidence. Erotic media can inspire or relax you.
The goal is to explore what turns you on in a safe, consensual, and open-minded way.
Physical Variety & Adventure
17. Trying new positions
Routines can feel safe, but they can also feel stale. What women love about sex sometimes includes trying new positions. Different angles and movements can change how things feel completely. You might discover new sensations, feel more connected, or even laugh through the awkward moments.
Even small changes in angle, location, or rhythm can make a difference. The key is curiosity, not perfection. When you let go of the idea of "doing it right" and focus on what feels good, you open the door to more pleasure.
18. Introducing light BDSM or dominance/submission
I’m not talking about 50 Shades. Light BDSM can be as simple as one partner taking the lead while the other let’s go. It’s about trust, control, surrender, and power—in a safe, consensual way. And for some women, that dynamic can be deeply satisfying.
What women love about sex may include the excitement of role shifts. One moment you’re playful and teasing, the next you’re being held in place or blindfolded.
As long as you talk about boundaries, agree on a safe word, and keep the experience rooted in trust, these power dynamics can add depth, excitement, and even emotional release.
19. Sensual games or board/card games
Yes, games. Adult games made for couples (or created on the fly) can bring a sense of fun and lightheartedness to sex. They break the ice, take off the pressure, and help you get to know each other in new ways.
What women love about sex often includes laughter, discovery, and emotional closeness. Whether it’s a truth-or-dare card game, dice with different actions, or a homemade list of dares in a jar, these little games turn the bedroom into a space where play and connection meet.
20. Toys and sensual tools
Sex toys aren’t a replacement for intimacy—they’re a tool to enhance it. What women love about sex includes pleasure that’s tailored to their bodies. Toys can make that easier, whether it’s through clitoral stimulation, vibration, or pressure in the right spot.
Sensual tools also include things like feathers, silk ties, massage oils, or cooling and warming gels. These little additions can awaken the senses and make the experience feel fresh.
Sensory & Atmosphere
21. Creating the right mood
The vibe of the room can shape the entire experience. What women love about sex often includes a setting that feels calming, comfortable, and inviting.
A cluttered bedroom with harsh lights and background noise? Not exactly mood-setting. But dim lighting, soft music, and a clean, cozy space? That can make a big difference.
Candles, fairy lights, or a soft lamp can change how your body relaxes. A playlist you love in the background sets a rhythm and eases your mind. Making the bed or clearing off the nightstand might seem small, but it tells your brain that this moment matters.
22. Aromas, tastes, textures
Sex is about your full sensory experience. What women love about sex can include how things smell, taste, or feel. Engaging more senses creates a richer, more enjoyable time.
Try adding your favorite scent with a candle or essential oil diffuser. Keep chocolates or fruit nearby to tease your taste buds. Use fabrics like silk sheets or a soft blanket to bring texture into play. These small touches can help your body feel grounded, awake, and ready for pleasure.
23. Blindfolds and light sensory deprivation
Removing one sense—like sight—can make the others feel more intense. A simple blindfold is a great way to heighten touch, sound, and smell. It also invites trust and curiosity.
What women love about sex might include letting go of control in small, playful ways. When you can’t see what’s coming next, every touch feels new.
Timing & Natural Rhythms
24. Responsive desire—going with the flow
Many women experience what’s called responsive desire—meaning arousal shows up after intimacy begins, not before. What women love about sex often includes those moments when it just happens naturally, not because it was planned or expected.
Maybe you weren’t in the mood at first, but a gentle touch, meaningful look, or shared laugh shifted something. Being open to the moment, rather than waiting for a perfect spark, makes room for real connection.
Sex doesn’t need to be scheduled or spontaneous—it can be both. Let your body and emotions lead, and trust that pleasure can come even when you don’t start out feeling "ready."
25. Hormonal changes
As we age, hormones shift—and that can affect everything from desire to energy to lubrication. What women love about sex includes understanding (and respecting) how their bodies change over time.
Some days, your body might say yes more easily. Other times, it might need more warming up. Being aware of how your cycle, menopause, or stress levels play a role can help you approach sex with compassion instead of pressure.
One thing that can help in midlife is using HRT along with natural ways to boost hormones, like staying active or eating well.
Orgasm & Physical Release
26. Multiple orgasms and more powerful orgasms
One thing many women love about sex is the ability to experience multiple orgasms. Unlike men, women often don’t need a long recovery period between orgasms. That means if you're relaxed, aroused, and comfortable, you can go back-to-back or enjoy different waves of pleasure in one session.
These orgasms can feel different—sometimes sharp and quick, other times deep and full-bodied. The more tuned in you are to your body and your rhythm, the more you can recognize and build on these sensations.
And the best part? There’s no rule for how many or how often. It’s all about what feels good to you in that moment.
27. Natural enhancers to amplify orgasm
There are natural ways to boost your chances of a strong orgasm. What women love about sex often includes those little extras that make pleasure easier to reach and enjoy.
Think deep breathing, stronger pelvic floor muscles, or even mood-setting scents like citrus, vanilla or lavender.
Some women find certain foods, like dark chocolate or watermelon, enhance circulation and increase sensitivity. Others enjoy using water-based lubricants or CBD-based products to reduce tension and heighten sensation.
28. Exploring different types of orgasms
Orgasms aren’t one-size-fits-all. What women love about sex includes discovering different kinds of orgasms and learning how to enjoy them. Learn these different pleasure points for women.
The most common is the clitoral orgasm, which comes from external stimulation. It’s direct, intense, and often the easiest way to climax.
Then there’s the G-spot orgasm, which comes from stimulation inside the front wall of the vagina. It may feel different—more full, more emotional, sometimes even leading to release (female ejaculation) for some.
Blended orgasms combine both clitoral and G-spot stimulation. They tend to feel deeper, longer-lasting, and more whole-body. The beauty here is that every woman is unique. Part of the joy is figuring out what types of orgasms you enjoy and how to reach them—with or without a partner.
Evolution & Change Over Time
29. Desire evolves—and that’s normal
What women love about sex in their 20s may not be what they love in their 40s, 50s, or beyond. And that’s not a problem—it’s a reality. Desire isn’t fixed. It shifts with time, health, relationships, life stages, and even mood.
You might crave connection more than excitement now. Or prefer slow build-up over intense quickies.
Some women become more open with age, while others find new meaning in emotional intimacy. Whatever it looks like for you, your changing desires are valid.
30. Erotic plasticity—sexuality changes due to context
"Erotic plasticity" means your sexuality can shift based on what’s going on in your life. Hormones, relationships, stress levels, emotional closeness—they all affect how you experience sex. What women love about sex often reflects where they are right now, not just who they are overall.
You may find yourself interested in things you never considered before. Or certain triggers (touch, smell, music) might suddenly awaken desire again. This flexibility is powerful. It means you’re not stuck in one version of sexuality.
Embracing erotic plasticity helps you stay curious instead of critical. It opens doors to growth, experimentation, and a deeper understanding of yourself.
31. Disconnecting from the “male default” sex model
For a long time, sex has been defined by “male pleasure”: fast, linear, orgasm-focused. But that model doesn’t fit most women. What women love about sex often includes slowing down, feeling emotionally safe, and enjoying non-linear pleasure.
You don’t have to match a partner’s pace or climax on cue. You don’t have to moan like a movie or fake it to keep the peace. Letting go of the male-default sex script gives you space to focus on what you actually enjoy.
Practical Tips & Habits
32. Schedule intimacy
It may not sound sexy, but scheduling intimacy can actually help bring the spark back—especially when life feels packed. What women love about sex often includes quality time where they can focus fully, without being pulled in a hundred directions.
Putting intimacy on the calendar gives you both something to look forward to and helps reduce the pressure of spontaneity. And when it’s intentional, you’re more likely to show up relaxed, present, and open.
33. Self‑exploration to know yourself better
Your relationship with your body is the foundation of your pleasure. What women love about sex often starts with self-awareness. Taking time to explore your own body helps you learn what feels good, what doesn’t, and how to communicate that clearly.
This can mean using your hands, trying different toys, or simply noticing how your body responds to different types of touch. The more connected you are to yourself, the easier it becomes to share that joy with someone else.
Conclusion
Sex in midlife isn’t about doing more, being perfect, or following some magazine checklist. It’s about feeling like yourself. It’s about connection, comfort, curiosity, and claiming what works for you—not what worked in your 20s, not what anyone else says should feel good.
Your desires will shift. Your body will change. And through it all, your relationship with sex can grow stronger, richer, and more empowering—especially when you give yourself full permission to enjoy it on your terms.
You deserve pleasure. You deserve connection. You deserve to feel good, wanted, and at home in your body. And that, more than anything else, is what women love about sex.
FAQs
1. Is it normal for my sexual preferences to change in midlife?
Yes, absolutely. As your hormones, life experiences, and relationships evolve, so does your relationship with sex. It’s totally normal to want different things now than you did in your 20s or 30s.
2. What if I don’t feel “in the mood” like I used to?
Many women experience responsive desire, which means arousal comes after things get started—not before. That’s common and totally okay. Focus on emotional connection and gentle build-up to help things flow naturally.
3. How can I bring up fantasies or boundaries without making it awkward?
Start small. Use gentle phrases like “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to…” or “That doesn’t feel good for me.” Honest, open communication helps build trust and keeps intimacy safe and fun.
4. Are sex toys normal in long-term relationships?
Yes! Toys are tools for pleasure—not replacements. Many couples use them to enhance intimacy, explore new sensations, or simply switch things up. Find what works for both of you and enjoy the discovery together.
5. How do I feel more confident in bed if I don’t love my body?
Confidence doesn’t come from having a perfect body—it comes from accepting and caring for the body you’re in. Wearing something you feel good in, focusing on pleasure instead of performance, and staying present can help you reconnect with your sensual side.
